Having It All… or Having What Matters?

We’ve all heard the promise: you can have it all. But what happens when that empowering idea starts to feel more like a scoreboard you can never win? In this episode, Aly G and Leethal Lee we peel back the highlight reel and talk honestly about ambition, motherhood, mental load and the quiet trade-offs that rarely make it to social media.

We share personal experiences of assumptions about career progression and parenting, the simple phrase that changed everything, ask us, don’t guess, and practical ways workplaces can support real life, including navigating Australia’s paid parental leave and making the return-to-work transition smoother.

Because the real question isn’t whether you can have it all — it’s what you’re choosing, what you’re sacrificing, and whether that choice is truly yours. Tune in for a conversation about redefining success, setting boundaries that hold, and building a life that actually works for you.

💥Bold moves. Big wins. Leading the way.

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Transcript

What Does “Having It All” Mean

Pressure, Trade-Offs And The Hidden Cost

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Today we're talking about the idea that's sold to women everywhere. Having it all. The thriving business, the present family, the health routine, the friendships, the freedom, the success, the calm. But what does having it all actually mean and who defined it in the first place? In this episode, we're unpacking the pressure, the expectations, the trade-offs that no one talks about because behind every highlight reel is a calendar, a cost, and a choice. Is having it all about balance or is it about alignment? Is it possible to build a big business without burning out your life? Well, let's get honest about ambition, guilt, boundaries, and what success really looks like. Oh, this is a big one, Lee. And we we do talk about it regularly. I mean, we are we all in is now eight years old. We've obviously worked through having children and taking maternity leave. What does having it all actually mean to you?

SPEAKER_01 1:03

I think it's changed over the years. I'm really excited about this episode because this is something I've been a little bit obsessed with. Oh, I love it when you get obsessed. It it started out really a long probably ten years ago, where I it must have been a big thing in the media, maybe. Yeah. And it was that push at women of you can have it all. You know, the Cheryl Sandberg stuff, yeah, the lean in and and that kind of era of that's what I was coming through on, and I was like, how do I have it all?

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

And at any one time, I guess on the surface, I do. From the outside. Yeah, and then that's it. From the outside, you know, I have a good career, I have a family, um I do some exercise every now and again. Um I appear to look healthy, I appear to have it all together, you know. At any one stage, that maybe I have it all. It's like the ducks swimming on the surface, but they're pedaling really fast underneath. So I and I have been, like I said, I've been really and maybe other people look at me and go, wow, how has she done that? Like, but one, it's really hard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Um and and you can win at one and suffer at the other. It's a balancing act.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Yeah, and that was what I've come to realise over the years, I guess, is I have it all but at one, I've had to come to the um to accept that I can't be really, really good at it all. I have to be mediocre at it all. Yeah. Um, I think is what I've realized. Like, could I be better at my job? Absolutely, but I don't have the time. Yeah. Um, could I be a better parent? Oh, yeah. But again, I've had to, you know, compromise because am I better off in the long term juggling? Yes, for my mental health and for the person that I am, I am. But does that mean I'm the best parent out there? Absolutely not. Best partner, best wife. Oh, heck no.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

And I think this is where you just have to set up for you what matters to you. Yeah, prioritize that. And then it's just the freaking juggling act.

Career, Kids And Being “Mediocre”

SPEAKER_01 3:05

And I think at any one time it just flexes up and down. So what needs my like, you know, what at what any what stage who needs my time more? And then it'll it'll change. So sometimes I've got to, I guess, you know, lean in to work, and sometimes there's gotta be families. There's something at home, there's health issues, there's there's all of that.

SPEAKER_02 3:28

And it's creating the community around that. So it's creating it's being in the right work environment, it's being in the right, you know, home environment that helps to create and support that. But I'm gonna get really gendered and political. Um, is it a lie that we're sold that we can have it all?

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I don't know why it's sold to women. Or is it even a thing to women, I guess, because men haven't have always had it all, haven't they?

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Like they have uh a family and a child and because the roles have changed, but what's happened is women going into the workforce to increase productivity in the economy, economy haven't been able to let go, usually, if we're talking very generically, of the home duties. Right. Even if your partner is involved, you're still carrying the mental load. And that is an expectation of society.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

It is, and it's unfortunate, I guess, that the pressure then is put on women to to have it all, like and then you you're expected to be good at everything. And I think the age of social media has made it worse. Oh, 100%. You you see the highlight real of all these women, and I guess women just by nature care more and they absorb that media, the same way women's magazines have always been a thing. It's that's just moved to social media now, hasn't it? Yeah, it has. So we're sold a lifestyle that we're expected to achieve. That's not real.

SPEAKER_02 4:53

No, it's not. Um and I'll give you a story here. What this would be about maybe gosh, even 20 years ago in my career. I just had Estelle, yes, it must be, and um, I was a manager at the time, and I'd been with this my boss for about 13 years, and then he brought two males in to fill my fill his role because he was leaving, and I said to him, What on earth are you doing? And he's like, Well, Allie, you just can't have it all. And I at that time I was like, Well, screw you. It was that moment where I literally woke up, the like the like the scales came off my eyes, and I was like, Oh, oh my gosh, like he is judging me because he thinks I'm gonna have another baby or do this or that. And I'm like, that's not your choice to make. So I consciously then went out and found employer of choice, yeah, where I became a director and was able to continue my career because for me, I loved that part of my career. Like, my career helps me to be a better parent. It honestly does. And I know that's not the same for everyone. Okay, that's I'm I'm feeling you on that one, but for me, it it's it's kind of if I'm being really vain, it's the ego stroking with the parenting. It makes me feel good, something at least. It makes me feel good, and that's what I wanted. So my have it all moment was screw you, you can't tell me what I can and cannot have. So it's not have it all, it's somebody else not telling you what that is for you.

Gender Roles And The Mental Load

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yeah, and I made a similar decision, I guess. Um, I was at a firm and I had a three-year-old at the time, I think she was. And for context, I had her very young. Very young. Um, I was 22, 23. I mean, that's like that's like a still having a baby. Like what? I was a kid having a kid, and um she's come along for the ride through the career journey. But I had my husband and I had made the decision that we were not going to have another child for quite some time because we both wanted to focus more on work and and financially establishing ourselves. So that was a decision we'd made together. My priority was my career at that point, but my employer was not giving me the promotions that I probably deserve because they were assuming, given that he was three, that I was definitely going off to have another baby in the next 12 months. I was like, Well, you could have asked me and I'd have told you I wasn't.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

And this is the thing, I have sat around too many board tables at too many firms of all different sizes where that exact conversation is happening. If you don't think it's happening, you're lying. It is happening and it does. And women get helpful, it absolutely. And they think you've lost your mind and you're not focused anymore, and you wouldn't want any promotion. And the reality is that for a lot of women, is not true for some, it is, but you have to ask the question at least.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

And legally, they're not allowed to, but they still do. Um, but also if you can tell, you can tell them if you want to. Like no one's saying you can't say I'm not going out and having kids.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Yeah. And I think you as a woman, you kind of have to be overt about that. Yeah, you kind of have to blow your own trumpet because otherwise people are sitting back and making judgment calls. They are.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Yeah, and like I said, I I said to them, you didn't ask me. You made that assumption, that's on you. And that's what I said when I left my employees. I am going to find someone that will like put me in the position I deserve and not assume that I'm gonna just leave in 12 months to have another baby. Yeah. Because that's not what I'm gonna do. No, um, so you know, that that's on them. Um, I did go have another baby, it was 13 years later.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Spoiler. And you know, but the interesting thing about that is that when we started all in, you were very open about that. And I was like, Yep, absolutely, yes, I want you to have that. I want you to be able to have that.

SPEAKER_01 8:36

Yeah, and on sometimes I say, if it weren't for all in, Harrison might not have existed because I was then given the the flexibility and um the the role that I could have and have him at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

So, you know and I want to digress here because this is something in our firm we've been really open about. Like we talk to all our team members and saying it's totally okay if you want to have a baby, just let us know, right? Because but what happens then is that they actually give you time to plan and prepare rather than being you know, finding out six months before and this poor person has been through sickness and everything else when they need support.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

What are they gonna tell me?

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Like actually having having open, honest conversations, but but allowing the safe space to allow that to happen and not to judge or then to punish, I think is super important.

SPEAKER_01 9:24

I think that's really hard as a small business to support an employee through maternity leave. We've had yeah, four yeah. It's really hard. We've done four. Yeah, we have. Four? Yeah. Yeah, you. Yeah, and it it's five. Joe had a yeah. Oh yeah, five. She is. I think we've had five. I think I worked it out not long ago. We've pretty much had one a year. Yeah, yeah, it's a yeah. It's like 2021 or something. I'm not gonna lie, it's hard. Because you can't just hire someone to replace them because you it you just can't do that because the way that I look at it, it's short-term pain, long-term gain. But they become l much more loyal afterwards because if you've given them the freedom to go do what they want to do and come back to the job they enjoy in a flexible way where their parenting is still prioritised, you have such a happy employee at the end of it. But it is very hard for the people that have to cover for them in the yeah, there are sacrifices that need to be.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

Actually, while we're at it, what it what is the maternity leave procedures that um and what government support is there? Because I know we get a lot of questions about that.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Um yeah, I guess so the government it it changed recently, but you get 105 days, I think it is now. Where and the partner can take some of that these days as well.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

And it you don't need to have a as big a gap between coming back.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

No, and it's actually more flexible. You can now work and get your maternity leave at the same time. I think a part-timey thing for six to eight weeks or something has to be exclusively maternity leave. But after that, you can work some days and get maternity leave from the government others. So you could potentially work two days a week and get maternity leave, three days, which would extend your leave out. So you take three of your 105 days to go over a longer period of time um and stagger your return.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

And the registration for that is um who do you need to register?

SPEAKER_01 11:29

Um as an employer, you've got to have a proto account. Oh, that's annoying. Yeah, you've got to have a proto-account. P R O D A. Yeah. Uh and your employee will register, say they're going on maternity leave or parents will leave, um, and you'll get a letter saying, Yeah, you need to log in and accept it, and you accept it. Once it's all done, once you've got your account, that's the hardest bit. It's actually a really simple process, I think, from an employer perspective. Yeah. You just get given the money before you have to pay it out. Yeah. Your letter saying, This is what we're you're paying, this is the days, and they keep sending you letters. And you just put it in the payroll. And you just keep paying them the set amount um per week, fortnight, whatever your payroll is. And so you're not out of pocket because the money gets to you before you need to pay it to the employee. So it's it's pretty simple, really.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

And the other big one we get a bit, and you've lived it's this, so this is the question for you. When you return from maternity leave, how hard is it? It's hard.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Uh yeah, it's really strange, I think. It's a strange feeling because you go from one, you you if you're coming back part-time, you're splitting your brain between mum mode and work, and it's a real like, oh heck, like this is different, different thoughts. But also generally, when you come back, you've got enough no job to come back to, if that makes sense. And they've and they've lived without you. Yeah, they're talking about it. So they've built this little culture without you, yeah. You don't just come back and keep doing what you were doing because someone else has taken it on in the last 12 months kind of thing. So you you do have to find your feet and find where you fit again, and it's a weird and as an employer, you need to be really open to that and have lots of conversations. It's a weird feeling of of feeling kind of not valued while everything's happened around you and without you, and you're catching back up, going, and and like when I went on leave, all the employees changed.

SPEAKER_02 13:24

Yeah, I know, but we did that on purpose.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Um and so I came back and I didn't really know anyone, and this was a business I established, and I don't know anybody. Who are you? Yeah, and they didn't know me, so they didn't really care what I knew. Yeah, and you knew everything, and I'm like, oh no, she knows everything. And they they took a while to understand my skills there because I hadn't been there.

SPEAKER_02 13:44

And so And I we also kept in close contact during that time as well. So I worked a lot of it. So you you so you knew kind of what was going on, but they didn't see those private communications between us.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Around in the background the whole time. I was involved in all the decisions, but I wasn't in the office, so no one knew that.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Yeah. Can I?

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Yeah, so it was it was hard. It was really hard.

Building A Supportive Workplace

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Yeah. Can I also give a piece of advice? When people are leaving, and I had this at my my big four, do not return the make them return the laptop or their lanyard and delete them so they can't get emails. That makes you feel like a piece of poo. Yeah um ask the person, do they still want to have access? What do they want it to look like? Do they want to be left alone? You ask the person, personalise.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

It really isn't that hard. And I think one quick one before we have to go over the room. Um the other thing I found, and you knew this, that I couldn't take all the opportunities um that were presented after I'd had Harrison. So, you know, where I used to just go get a bit of FOMO, yeah. Yeah, where I would go off to a conference or do some travel or take up an opportunity, I just couldn't do it and I had to say no. And that was so hard to just sit and we say it's you know, you're in the it's just a cycle of life and you get through it, but it's yeah, you sort of have to sacrifice a bit, and it's not time for growth and big decisions or anything like that because you you do have to sacrifice things that ordinarily you would have done before. All of a sudden you can't just leave and and go up, you know, interstate for five days and leave your baby. So it you do say no to opportunities, and it really is hard, but yeah. And it comes back eventually.

SPEAKER_02 15:25

And this is the ebb and flow of having it all in. I've got the perfect question, but we'll just throw to the sponsor and we'll be back. This episode is sponsored by Ignition, the software built for accountants by an accountant. Simplify proposals, automate billing and collections, and streamline your workflows. Save time, take money, get Ignition. All right, my perfect question. What are you currently sacrificing to have it all? And is that sacrifice intentional?

SPEAKER_01 15:54

Um I I still am sacrificing going away, definitely. Like leaving home, I can't do that at the at the moment. That's a definite choice of would I love to go after all the conferences that are available out there? Yeah, sure I would. Um, but yeah, just going away and just is it and it's not essential, it's more a fun. Yeah. You know, those are but you still need that though. You do, but it's just an active choice I have made at this point where it's a big ask of my husband to do that. It's not he doesn't travel for work, so that that's not something I have to do in return. So it's not something that I will do at this point in time. Yes. It's just a choice that I've made to say no to more.

SPEAKER_02 16:44

And I had to do that too, which is why you were going to all the zero cons of the world when I had Livby, you know.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

That's right, like it's a choice and and it's a sacrifice, and you know, you get FOMO.

SPEAKER_02 16:52

And you may not be in that position, you might you know, you might be in the position where your partner's doing it all, and that's wonderful if you have it. We're just talking from our personal experience.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

And I will preface this to say I am in a very fortunate position, which you know that I have an extremely supportive husband. Yeah, and not everyone does, and he he does his fair share of parenting and he does his fair share of um you know things around the house that I and he's supportive of me 100%, and I'm so fortunate that I've got that. But again, and if I say to him, I'm gonna do it, he'd probably go, Oh, okay then.

SPEAKER_02 17:27

Yeah. But I know that that's not really fair either, because that's big you know, that just goes back to the level of your relationship, that it's a partnership, and you actually think about each other before you make the decisions, and you're not being selfish.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

He will say no, but uh he will say yes over, and then I know that it when it comes to it. And not just that, I find that um I say if I do say yes to it, by the time it gets to the logistics of it, I sort of regret it.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

And I'm like, God, I wish I didn't say yes to the people and then I have to sell you on the food at the event.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Sometimes you do have to realise your own boundaries. Boundaries. Um because while it's like a really great idea, the logistics of it make it like you're as enjoyable, and you might not even enjoy it in the end anyway, because it's just too much stress.

Navigating Maternity Leave In Australia

SPEAKER_02 18:19

And this is where I want to actually provide some structure here. So I've done the part-time thing for over 20 years. You have as you know, you've done part-time and full-time during that time. I think the thing to really focus on with the have it all is what's your purpose, what's your why? You know, are you are you do you want to work, do you want to build a business? Do you know, or is it more that you know, you just want your life to support the business, or do you want the business to support your life? Um, but actually be really, really clear on what that is and then set boundaries. And you're gonna have to constantly check in on those boundaries, and life is gonna throw absolute curveballs at you. Like I and you know, what was my sacrifice? Well, my sacrifice, unfortunately, in the last 18 months has been I've had to sacrifice my work, which I love, because of family matters, and you're going to have to ebb and flow through that. I think that's and so having it all looks different all the time.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Yeah, I I think that was what I've had to come back to and accept is that it's not one thing, and it will change as your life changes.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

And it depends on the community around you at the time, it depends on your partners that you have, it depends on what age your children are at, it depends on where you're working, it depends on where you are in your own personal journey.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

The age of children is definitely has a big factor. Um little kids, obviously, you know, tricky, and then they get through a nice little stage. Oh I know you go like you know, five to ten kind of thing, you to twelve, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

You kind of And then they hit the teenagers.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Yeah, you sit in a really like sweet spot, I think. Yeah. And you can have your life and they're enjoyable to take with you. And they want to be with you. Yeah, so you can incorporate them into your life and it's like a fun and then PewPee hits. Yeah, and then and then they get their own life and then you become taxi.

SPEAKER_02 20:02

Yeah, pretty much until they until they get their license, and then you're like, I'm free, and then you decide to have another one.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

Yeah, we we debate that sometimes, but yeah, I think just it and I I've recently heard this one about you know seasons and accepting the season of life that you're in, and having radical acceptance at times, even if you don't want to be in that season, yeah. Um and I think the other one I I think of is um and I heard this again, is accepting who you are because your version of having it all might not be the version that sits on Instagram.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

And that's okay. If you're happy, that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Um, so if it's not um, you know, Marie Kondo clean and neat and you know, perfect, and you love chaos and that makes you happy, who am I to tell you any different? Like if you're not a Zen person and don't have any desire to be a Zen person, don't let Instagram tell you that you're doing it wrong. No, absolutely not. So I think it's accepting and realizing who you are and what makes you happy because just because someone on Instagram says they're happy with that, that doesn't mean it's for you.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

Yeah, you don't need to prove anything.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

No, and it's coming to accept that I think, and not comparing, just comparisons that they could have joy or saying is, but uh you just don't want to don't try to be what you see on Instagram because it's not it's not the perfect life that they're trying to convince you it is.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Everybody's got their burdens, everyone's got their little skeletons in the closet.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Yeah, and you know what you see uh or out in the public isn't what's going on at home. We all know that from our own lives. Yeah. Um so yeah, just try to be happy.

Returning To Work And Identity Shifts

SPEAKER_02 21:54

So is that the goal? Yeah, so I think having it all is whatever you define it to be. So we're gonna close. Off, move forward with those bold moves, big wins, and lead the way. See you later, everyone. Bye. And that's a wrap on today's episode, everyone. Thanks for hanging out with us. We're very aware you could have been scrolling, snacking, or ignoring emails instead. So we appreciate you choosing us. If this episode gave you a light bulb moment, a laugh, or a quiet, oh wow, same, do us a favour and hit follow, leave a review and rate the podcast. It helps other brilliant people find us and makes the algorithm gods very happy. So share it with a mate, a bizbesti, or that friend who's building something big and pretending they're not stressed. Until next time, use bold moves, chase the big winds and lead the way.